


you could go home, escape it all, (it's just irrelevant)

by The_Bisexual_From_Hell



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra Needs Therapy (She-Ra), Catra is a sad cat and she loves adora a lot, Catra is in Love with Adora (She-Ra), Catra's thoughts before she got chipped, F/F, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26440129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bisexual_From_Hell/pseuds/The_Bisexual_From_Hell
Summary: She knows, deep within her bones, that she’s not making it out of this alive. She has accepted her death, it’s what she deserves, this is the price she pays for all the hurt she has caused. Catra has caused so much pain and damage to the people she cares about—Adora, Adora, Adora, she’s the one Catra has hurt the most, ironic considering she is the one Catra loves the most too.OrCatra's thoughts after she saves Glimmer and right up to when she gets chipped.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	you could go home, escape it all, (it's just irrelevant)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brideofire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brideofire/gifts).



> Hi, I apologize for any mistakes, English is not my first language and this has no beta. This was written as a birthday gift to a friend but I love how it turned out. enjoy 
> 
> Happy birthday, baby.

Catra can’t bring herself to cry. She has cried so many tears, of pain, of sorrow, of guilt, of regret, so many tears that it feels as if there’s always ghost tears running down her cheeks. 

Crying is pointless these days. 

She knows, deep within her bones, that she’s not making it out of this alive. She has accepted her death, it’s what she deserves, this is the price she pays for all the hurt she has caused. Catra has caused so much pain and damage to the people she cares about—Adora, Adora, Adora, she’s the one Catra has hurt the most, ironic considering she is the one Catra loves the most too. 

Catra has always loved Adora, she can’t be Catra without loving Adora. She has loved Adora since before she knew there was a name to it. And she will love Adora until the universe stops existing. Not even death can stop the love she feels for Adora

That’s why she saved Glimmer—that’s not true, she saved Glimmer because it’s the right thing to do, even if it kills her. But she had thought of Adora while doing it, this was Catra saying sorry, this was Catra trying to make things right. Saving Glimmer was Catra’s last big gesture of love towards Adora. A part of her hopes Adora knows that. A part of her hopes she doesn’t. 

_ “Me? All I do is hurt people, there’s no one left in the entire universe that cares about me”  _ When she had said those words to Glimmer, she had meant them, they were true. Catra had burnt all of the bridges, no one truly cared about her, even Adora, especially Adora. 

Catra has pushed away, hurt, and tried to destroy everyone she had ever loved, all because she didn’t know how to love and let herself be loved. If no one loved her, she never had to figure out how to properly love someone. If no one loved her then she didn’t need to know how to let herself be vulnerable. 

_ They can’t hurt you if you hurt them first.  _ That was Catra’s mantra for years. Now she knew how wrong she was, how much it didn’t matter if she got hurt, loving was worth it. She would give anything and everything to go back to when she was a kid, when she could wrestle Adora when she needed to be touched but couldn’t ask for it, to when she would curl up at the end of Adora’s bed and wake up snuggling. 

Catra wants to go back in time, and shake some sense into herself. She can’t do that, and now she’s alone in space waiting to die, and no one is coming for her.

Life without love was lonely and maddening. Catra’s love for Adora is the only thing that kept her sane. Catra thought it was funny, how the thing that drove her mad for years was the only thing keeping her from losing it all now. 

Her mind keeps playing moments with Adora—sometimes Scorpia and Entrapa show up in her memories—over and over again. Catra can’t tell if it's comforting or hurting her. Probably both.

_ “Adora?” Catra needed this to work, Glimmer was running out of time.  _

_ “Catra?” Hearing Adora’s voice made Catra want to cry, there was no sound more beautiful than Adora’s voice.  _

_ “Don’t sound so happy to hear me. I’m sending Glimmer to you, I don’t know your exact location, but I can get her to your quadrant, you have to be there to catch her.” Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. Catra was trying so hard. _

_ “Wait, wait what? What’s going on? Glimmer is with you?” Adora’s voice was full of confusion, and fear and relief. Catra wanted to hug her.  _

_ “We don’t have time, you need to get to these coordinates now. Don’t come here, no matter what,” She was fighting for Glimmer and for Adora and for the whole universe, but not for herself. “Horde prime is ready for you,” Catra threw another punch.  _

_ “Catra I don’t understand what is—” Adora sounds worried, and Catra wishes Adora were worried for her, but she knows that’s not possible, she’s worried for Glimmer. _

_ “Just listen. Adora, I’m sorry. For everything” Catra’s voice cracks when she talks and she wishes she had more time to tell Adora everything she is feeling.  _

_ Glimmer is gone, Catra is truly alone for the first time since arriving with Horde Prime.  _

_ She stops fighting.  _

Snapping out of the memory Catra brings her hand to her cheek to wipe her tears. She finds none, only phantom sensations, it’s fitting considering she is nothing but a phantom of who she used to be. 

Catra doesn’t know what Horde Prime is waiting for. She doesn’t know why he is keeping her in Glimmer's cell. She had no idea why she was still alive. All she knows is that she is going to die soon. Or at least she hopes she dies soon, there are things worse than death, Catra does not wish to experience them. 

She wonders what Adora is doing right now. Catra would like to imagine she rescued Glimmer—of course, she did, she is Adora—and they are on their way back to Etheria, celebrating Glimmer’s return, hopefully, they all hate Catra a little less. She knows they are going to find a way to save Etheria, maybe they won’t defeat Horde Prime, but they will save Etheria. 

“Little Sister.” A clone of Horde Prime stands outside her cell. He doesn’t say another word, the cell barrier falls and he motions for her to follow. There are no other clones, she is not even restrained. Running and fighting would be pointless, she knows it and Horde Prime knows it. He is mocking her. 

The walk to Horde Prime's throne room seems to last an eternity. Catra’s mind goes blank and she panics, she thought she was ready to die, but now the moment is coming and she is terrified. All she wants to do is run and hide, like the coward she is, but Catra has lived a life of cowardice, she will die with dignity.

Before Horde Prime looks at her Catra puts on a smug face, even if she knows that he has seen her cry, and he knows she is breaking. 

“You betrayed me, Little Sister.” Horde Prime’s voice is monotone, he shows no emotion. 

“Did you really think I wouldn’t betray you? I betray everyone, you are nothing but a fool.” Catra is trying so hard to be brave, to die as herself, and not begging for her life. 

“Now, that’s quite the attitude for someone in your position. I thought you were better than this Little Sister.” The way he says little sister chills Catra to the bone, her tail puffs up on it’s own. 

“Yeah, everyone expects better, I love to disappoint. Just kill me already,” Catra says with fake confidence, but it's true, she always lets everyone down. 

“Kill you? Oh Little Sister, I’m not a monster. I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to fix you.” His cruel smirk and mocking tone freeze Catra to her place, she can’t move. Two clones move towards her, Catra knows exactly what is about to happen, he is going to brainwash her, make her nothing but another member of the hive. The clones grab her arms, and that’s when she starts to fight, she’s not fighting for her life—she is prepared to lose that— she is fighting for her identity, for her soul. 

Catra fights, she fights with all that she has, even if she knows it's pointless. She refuses to go down without a fight. A dozen clones are down and Horde Prime sits on his throne looking entertained. 

Something cold touches the back of her neck and Catra knows she’s a goner. 

All of the clones back off and stand in a semicircle around her, leaving an opening for Horde Prime to watch. 

Catra claws at her neck, but it’s not coming off, every time she touches the device it sends a shot of pain through her body.

“The more you fight it, the more it hurts, Little Sister.” And then he has the audacity to laugh. Catra fights it anyways, she wouldn’t be Catra if she didn’t. Pain flares again and she’s on her knees. 

Electric shocks are going through her nerves and everything hurts. Catra has never been in so much pain before, she didn’t think this amount of pain was possible. The only reason she is still conscious is because of the chip on her neck. Catra stops fighting.

Catra’s body no longer feels hers, suddenly none of the movements she makes are under her control. At least she is no longer in pain, her body is under Horde Prime’s control, he grants her this small mercy, there is no point to pain. 

Slowly she can feel her mind slipping, becoming one with the horde. Catra is losing herself and she is nothing but an spectator in her own body. She tries to protect her memories, her love for Adora, everything that makes her Catra. It’s pointless. She is nothing, all of her belongs to him, he took and took and now all that is left is a shell of herself. 

What Horde Prime wants, Horde Prime gets. 

Catra is fading into nothingness, into a lifetime of being a passenger watching Horde Prime do with her—it's his now—body whatever he desires. And all she can think about is that Adora isn’t coming to save her. 

“Welcome Little Sister.” she hears in her mind and every clone of Horde Prime says out loud, including Catra. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that. It was a bit angsty huh. 
> 
> Leave a comment or a Kudos, they make authors happier than anything.
> 
> Follow me on twitter for more fun gay content @DXNYARYA


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